A passing thought

 I haven't blogged in a while, I dabbled with my journal from time to time and then soon the habit left. I put my time and effort into my studies and friends and the future and I continued to rush and rush and even every entry it felt like a task, a means to an end. To try and document my life because I always have, not because I find it cathartic or meaningful. Sometimes I feel like I write in that journal because it looks good. I wanted to write today because I had a thought about you O, and someday when I have more time I will write again and hold myself accountable to the reasons why we didn't work out. But for now the thought. I find all your cards in my wallet today, I hadn't realised, and it seemed neither had you. It makes me sad and angry because that's the type of person you are. Forgetful, easy, chill, non-chalant. Of course you don't realise, you have no idea where anything was. No idea of what I was doing, it was just a reminder of how ill-suited we were. I'd never catch myself doing that and I was pretty envious you could and nothing bad would ever happen. How can this attitude lead to a meaningful relationship, how can I be with someone like that? If you had just even taken the time to move out when I was away for 2 weeks, carefully, meticulously then I wouldn't have to keep texting you, reaching out to get you to pick up your packages, get you to take your cards back. I feel like a ridiculous, jaded ex who HAS to reach out. But if you had just put more thought into leaving, instead of leaving so soon and so suddenly then I wouldn't have to do this. But I reach out because I do care about you and despite it all you mean alot to me. And it'll take time but I hope more than anything I don't feel like I do every again. For someone that can walk so easily out of my life, pack away all their things with zero consideration of how it feels and this point of my life. We used to be friends. But maybe we never really were. Maybe you just got what you wanted.